Tone of Voice

Zeitgeist time!

Tone of voice and brands that are too big for their boots: the enemy of the humble junk mail scumbag.

No word of a lie, I have just seen a Tone of Voice (that's TOV to all you acronym lovers out there) guideline with a graph telling you how to write copy.

Now, we all knew this would happen one day. But I didn't think it would come so soon.

I shit you not. This is at the end of a document telling me the usual shit about "being adult-to-adult" "employing intelligent wit" and "exuding just the right level of confidence."

Without giving too much of this magical artistic formula away, the horizontal axis refers to the purpose of the tone-of-voice at that time (introducing yourself, giving product details, etc) while the vertical axis tells you what degree of previously stated tonal qualities one should employ.

First of all, how is a writer going to be able to apply this graph: we're writers, not mathematicians. Secondly, and more importantly....WHAT THE FUCK?!

As far as marketing bullshit goes, it is a work of unparalleled genius.

Tone of voice was probably once a good idea. But does all this BRAND shit seem a little like the biggest lie ever told? It exudes phoniness from its head down to its toes. I hanker for the days when Watson or Bird could employ their craft and sell stuff. Now everything has to conform to come kind of big brother ideal of perfection. It's the enemy of creativity, and I don't think consumers buy it for a moment.

Here's something adult-to-adult

"Fuck off and die"