It's just a strapline

I'm always amused by the idea that time is commensurate with volume.

If something is simple. Then it shouldn't take very long.

Not long ago I had someone trying to book in a half hour of my time to come up with a strapline for a new client.

They said "It's just a strapline."

Just a strapline.

Like 'Just do it'. Or 'Never Knowingly Undersold'. Or 'Every little helps.'

Just a strapline.

Those are only three words in each of those examples. So I can't imagine they took very long at all.

I think we should apply this volume- to-time-spent ratio to other aspects of life.

For example, your child's name. It's only a word. So it should take you, what, five minutes to come up with?

James. There we go. Job done.

All these months people spend thinking about their child's name ... the name their child will live with for the rest of their life ... is just inefficient.

Results and ideas

The difference between results and ideas to me underpins a lot of the complications a dm-er (whatever that means these days) faces.

For me, if you're going to be judged by results, hard-and-fast results, then that should be your priority.

Some creatives will sneer at this. But fuck them. Getting results is not easy. Beating controls is not easy. People will turn their noses up at a 1% response rate and say why not get nearer 90%. Well, my challenge to those creatives would be...try it. Without changing the mailing list, go and get a 90% response rate. You won't succeed. So shut the fuck up.

Beating controls is not easy. It's like beating a proven champion.

There are two ways of going about it - the first is just to guess, the second is to calculate. Personally, when it comes to beating controls, I like to employ the second approach.

I like to look at the control, question the little fucker, analyse it...and then try to outwit it. Is it a creative process? Well, I suppose not. Not conventionally, at least. It's more akin to a bearded labcoat with test tubes bubbling away.

It's more a test of intelligence than creativity.

There is definitely a case for coming up with a cracking idea and just seeing what happens. But most times, that doesn't work. To me, it's an admission of inability. It's guess-work. And while that's often very creative, it also results in failure most of the time.

Beating controls is difficult. And a different process from the kind of Watford college approach to DM. And to be honest, I find it a more rewarding process. Because when your hypothesis is proven right you get a sense of satisfaction. Even if you create the most creative mailpack in the world. It's still only a fucking mailpack. No-one cares.

Ideas, however, are different.

It's a different kind of fun. You can attack it with your imagination and creative flair. Here, with TV ads, press ads and websites, you can really express yourself creatively and show off to your friends. I love this too. This is the stuff you can put in your book and will win you awards.

But I'm not sure I'm fond of the meeting of the twain. And I think understanding the difference will only become more important as we get more interactive. Are we selling? Or are we wowing?

Results are results. Something cool is something cool.

The two shouldn't really be mixed up. Otherwise you end up an uncool failure.

And we've got enough suits already.

Enthusiasm: part two

There's a lot of enthusiasm in our business.

That would be a good thing, if it was all genuine.

But it seems that enthusiasm is a often a kind of confidence trick. It's used to hide deficiencies. It's another level of dishonesty.

Where else do people answer "absolutely" instead of "yes"?

"You got that project covered?"

"Absolutely!"

How very affirmative and can-do!

But that's tip of the iceberg stuff. The enthusiasm I can't stand is the shithouse enthusiasm that promises the impossible to clients. You know, that kind of enthusiasm politicians employ that makes them unable to talk in terms of reality?

I've been in many meetings, I'm sure you have too, where everyone is getting all enthusiastic about stuff. Maybe it's a good thing, I don't know. But there's just something I don't trust about it. I imagine it's how Haig and Robertson addressed their military strategies in the Great War.

"How about we just walk over the top?!!"

"Fucking wicked idea!"

"I know!!"

I think sometimes, when people don't know what they are talking about, they decide to get really enthusiastic about it.

Wasn't it only the clever people who would put their hand up at school if they didn't understand?The idiots just nodded. Not knowing.

The real problem I have with mindless enthusiasm is that the people who carry it out rarely have to deliver on it. It's quite possible for a creative director, planner or account person to promise the impossible and then blame the creative team for not delivering. Where instead, it is the duty of the people in these jobs to interrogate the possibilities, and return to the creatives with something that can be built upon. Not doing so is yellow and political.

"But that's the creative challenge!"

"I'm sorry. Let me get this right. You want something that is white and only white. But at the same time black and not at all white? Is that right?"

"You're the creative guy!"

Creativity can take place in the real world. We don't have to lie to ourselves all the time.

I swear, if a creative was in a car with a planner, a creative director and an account man, and they were driving towards a cliff, and the creative was to say that continuing in this way would result in everyone's certain death, the creative would be fired for cynicism ten seconds before he died.

The face of deduction usually wears a furrowed brow.

I'm not sure why a results based business like ours should be any different.

Enthusiasm: Part One

Been a while.

But I figure I should keep going as the world of DM is becoming rather more interesting of late. A post on that another time, though.

For now, I just want to comment on 'enthusiasm.' It's a big old subject, and a passion of mine (I hate enthusiasm; enthusiasm starts wars and encourages idiots to do stupid things. )

But this is just about enthusiasm for the product.

It's the usual self-opinionated twaddle. But indulge me.

I reckon enthusiasm for the product is the client's business. And, eventually, the creative team's.

Enthusiasm for the product in the mind of the planner, however, is a recipe for DM disaster. If you are enthusiastic about a product, everything is a benefit.

"But it's BLUE!"

"But you really CAN save money"

As a creative, I prefer sceptical planners. That way, when the USP (if we're being old fashioned), the insight (if we're talking shite), or the emotional reason to do something crops up, it will be irrefutable.

A good brief should be self-evident: sceptic proof.

Enthusiasm for the product - by the fact of the product alone - perpetuates not only shit products, but ineffective work.

I'm not a planner, though. So this might be a load of old bollocks.

(Which, ironically, would probably set me in good stead for a job in planning. Ho ho.)

Adios.