The company we keep

My mate Dave, an art director in Australia, said something in an email to me which I found both poignant and indicative.

On the subject of the agency he works for:

"The thing is mate, I really fucking love this job and this industry, but I work with lots of people who don't seem to give a flying fuck about it."

Is this uncommon?

Have the marketing grads grudgingly joined the industry because they couldn't think of anything better to do?

I certainly fell into the job by accident rather than by design. But I think that's healthy for a creative - for a copywriter in particular. Is it the case that there are a lot of people in client services departments that can't be arsed with the work we do, can't be arsed with the work they do and, worse still, can't be arsed with the work their client does?

If I ever start my own agency I'm going to insist that we never employ anyone with a marketing degree. It's the new media studies. And it's fucking things up.

Lift Chat

Our creative department is two floors up in the lift.

You've heard about the 'elevator pitch' for Hollywood movies? When people with an idea for a movie had about two floors to get the point across to the cigar-smoking movie mogul who they had managed to harangue? "Shark kills people on beach. Three men go out to face shark and find themselves facing their true nature." That kind of thing

Well two floors in our agency is enough to have the "elevator conversation"

It seems that the only chat that can take place in this limited environment is about the days of the week. It goes something like this - depending on what day it is.

"How are you?"
"Terrible. Can't believe it's Monday again"

"How are you?"
"Oh you know. Not bad for a Tuesday"

"How are you?"
"It's Wednesday! Nearly half way there. The hump of the week and all that"

"How are you?"
"Great. It's nearly Friday."

"How are you?"
"Phew. Glad it's Friday."


And so go perfectly good lives down the plughole as people wish the best years of their lives away.

Inspiring.

Little bit of politics (ad related)

This ad makes me feel a bit sick.

I imagine the Samoan guy - or whatever he is - is shouting "Please! Leave my island alone! We are a simple folk! We never asked for this war. Can you bullies please get the fuck off my island and go back home to whichever part of hell you crawled out from. Look! Those are palm trees. They should be a clue that you are not defending your country, you are attacking mine! Leave! Please leave my friends and my children alone. We mean you no harm"

Our hero follows him and shoots him in the back.

God Save The Queen.

What's it Bill Hicks said? The bullies of the world?

Good copywriting

I'm curious

Is there any other profession where a client will pay so much for a service that they really don't want?

Answers on a bangtail to the usual address.

Old Skool

This is something the IDM used to teach suits. I don't know if they
still do:

The most important thing in a mailing is who you are talking to
Half as important as that is the timing of the mailing (thanks hayes)
Half as important as that is what you are offering
Half as important as that is the format you use
And half as important as that.... is the idea you come up with.

Yeah.

So how come it's always our fault when a pack goes tits up?

Gobshites.

DMA mailings

Are the DMA taking the piss?

Seriously?

Do you get those mailings too? The ones they send out advertising their shitty conferences?

This lot - the self-proclaimed voice of the industry - don't half send out rank mailings. You'd think, as the voice of the industry, they would send us stuff that made creatives green with jealously; which made us awestruck of the possibilities of our profession.

Instead they send out the worst puns and visual metaphors imaginable - sharpen up your skills (picture of a pencil sharpener), mobile marketing conference (picture of a child's mobile), be the best you can be (picture of George Best's rotting corpse), that kind of thing.

And I think the designers get bonuses for Johnson boxes too.

There is absolutely no need for them being this shit. They are their own client, after all. So the only logical conclusion is that the self-proclaimed voice of the industry is actually TAKING THE PISS out of people working in creative departments.

"Here Mr Copywriter, this is the kind of shit YOU do!"

"Hello Mr Art Director, we think you are a CUNT!"

Honestly. Put a bit of effort in it. Your mailings fucking blow and you're embarrasing us.

Madness

A good site which expresses much of the absurdity of our profession:

Not been updated in a while though...

http://adverbatims.blogspot.com/

The Big Quest10n

Can junk mail dorks do digital?

Big question these days.

My opinion is 'why not?' I never got into DM because I loved it. I got into DM simply because a country boy like me struggled to be as confident as the Esher and inner city sect. I simply wasn't cool enough for 'advertising' so i got into the less pretentious response business.

It certainly wasn't because I thought DM was where my skill set lay. What expertise I have now has been learned on the job. I'd say this goes for most of us. Most DMers are talented creative people. Most are nice people. Business demand sent us into response, we never chased it.

So why then can we not do digital?

Everyone is saying how digital is response. So we should be able to function pretty well in this arena. Copywriters in particular.

I'm sure digital people are sceptical of this. They don't want DMers getting in on the thing they built, and I'll wager they relish the prospect of the ATL nobheads getting involved even less. "This is our house" they will cry. "Leave us alone."

And, to be perfectly honest, I can't blame them.

We are jumping on the bandwagon. I used the internet to piss around on when I should have been working. I never had a great enthusiasm for it as a marketing tool. In fact, I quite liked the freedom from work that such an approach offered. It's a downright cheek that I have designs on a copywriters chair simply because that is where the money is going. But there we go.

Since my own agency has become increasingly digital and as many of my friends have started to make the jump into spodsville, I've been more exposed to this world than ever before.

And I like what I see.

Sure, I'll never know as much about the technology as the pioneers and founders. But I don't know how lasering works either - and that didn't hold me back in glorious old DM.

Like most DMers looking over the fence at our digital friends, I am confident I can learn the skills needed on the job.

But the most important thing about this whole palaver is that I feel like a junior again. I am learning again. DM is easy. I can do it in my sleep. This digital marketing thing (how long before we drop that prefix altogether?) has got me doing homework again, and asking questions.

I sincerely hope I am able to make the transaction.

I also hope DMers, if given the chance, are able to assert themselves and use this medium to show just how clever they are given the chance.

Sorry digibots. But I want to come and sit in your living room. I hope you'll make me welcome.

Let's Face It: You're A Weapon

Rant day.

Anyone who starts a letter, an ad or any piece of communication (except a weblog, of course) with the words "let's face it" is a fucking whopper.

This is scientific fact.

Seriously. The words "let's face it" are horrible and should be used on pain of death.

"Let's face it. We all get a little tired now and then"

That kind of thing. The obvious ... preceded with "let's face it". I fucking hate it.

Shall we face it? Oh let us! Let us face this fact which is little more than a bridge to your first product benefit! I've never had the courage to face it before. But with your sage guidance and leadership I might just somehow be able to accept this elusive truth!

The other times you see "let's face it" are in financial marketing or B2B "listen to me I'm a hard-ball-playing straight-talking apprentice-winning pisshole" type shit.

"Let's face it: your bottom-line is your priority in life".

Let's face it: You're a cunt.

And I'd like to stab you in the face.

Now here's Tom with the weather...

Thankless

Sometimes, in the busy times, this job can feel a bit like performing Hamlet in front of a huge audience - and play it brilliantly - only for the audience to sit there at the end, ashen faced and in silence.

Clap, you cunts, clap.

You are in the presence of talent.

Give us our glory.